


Rebuild and Fly Onwards

by coolbreezemage



Category: Star Trek: Discovery
Genre: Crew as Family, Gen, Mental Health Issues, Missing Scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-28
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-19 09:56:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29748768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coolbreezemage/pseuds/coolbreezemage
Summary: She knows he’d called down to Sickbay shortly after the dinner, to make sure she was all right. She’s grateful for it, but she still wishes she’d never given him the need. He’s got enough to deal with without worrying if his bridge officers are sound of mind.-Detmer makes an apology and finds unexpected support.
Relationships: Keyla Detmer & Saru
Comments: 6
Kudos: 19





	Rebuild and Fly Onwards

“Captain?” 

Keyla comes before him the morning after her disgraceful display at the senior staff dinner, hands folded tight behind her back and eyes cast down, real and augmented both.

She’s never before felt quite so small.

“What is it, Lieutenant?” he asks, as if he doesn’t already know. He’s going to make her spell it out. She can’t bring herself to resent him for it.

She knows he’d called down to Sickbay shortly after the dinner, to make sure she was all right. She's grateful for it, but she still wishes she’d never given him the need. He’s got enough to deal with without worrying if his bridge officers are sound of mind.

She’d watched him, sometimes, a lifetime ago on the _Shenzhou_. Like the rest of the crew, she’d learned his odd habits, ducked his sharp tongue, and maybe shared a quiet exasperated look or two with her fellows over his frequent concerns and complaints. But sometimes she’d wondered what it would be like to be so different from the rest of your crewmates, to constantly fear danger. Well, she knows some of that now, she thinks, letting herself feel the cold ache behind her eye she'll never be completely used to. And the doubts that haunt her every action. 

She steps forward and takes a breath. “I… would like to apologize for yesterday,” she begins, speaking quickly. “My- my behavior was inexcusable and disruptive, and it reflects poorly on my service and my ship, and I will understand if you think… I will be sure to...” She winces as the words she’d rehearsed fumble themselves into a stuttered mess like a shuttle with a shot engine.

A sympathetic click pulls her out of the tailspin, saving her before she can fall into incoherency. 

“Enough of that,” he says, more gently than she deserves after how she’s behaved. “I know personally that that sort of thinking does no good, and I would not wish it on another.”

She dares to raise her head. “Captain?”

“There are two questions to be addressed here,” Saru says simply, like it’s just another order of ship’s business. “First,” and there’s that echo of steel she’s seen growing in him all these years, “are you seeking help for this?”

She nods fiercely. “Yes, sir. Doctor Culber’s arranged sessions with a counselor, and I… I’ll do whatever I need to do to heal.” Whatever the work. She’ll do it, for herself, and for her crewmates.

Something about the way he tilts his chin suggests a smile. “Then I will forgive yesterday. On one condition.”

“Sir?” 

“My second question. Will you promise me that you will tell someone if you believe it will impact your performance of your duties?”

Another nod. “Yes. I promise. I wouldn’t risk the ship for anything.”

“Good. I will trust you on that. I am disappointed that it took so long, but I am ready to help you secure any assistance you need.” 

There’s a moment of quiet, where she’s not quite sure what’s coming next. She waits for orders. But what he says is not a flight plan or a combat maneuver. 

“There are ways of handling such things,” her captain says, “I imagine the 32nd century has even more of them than the time we left. We will find a way. I am not planning on leaving anyone behind.”

The words are more of a relief than she’d expected. She’d been so sure, when the tremors started, the too-long moments of dissociation, that it would mean the end of her career. That she’d fail her friends and her crew and herself. 

She smiles. “Thank you, sir.” 

She’d thought she could force her way through it. That if she pretended there was nothing wrong, maybe it would go away. Admitting she needed help hadn’t been easy, but it had been necessary, and she is very glad she did. It won’t be easy, going forward from this. She knows what’s to come will be tough. She doesn’t know if she’d ever really feel at home in this future world. But she has to try. Michael meant every word when she said this crew that had chosen to go into the future together would support each other.

Saru nods. “Return to your duties, Lieutenant. But remember that I will always be here to talk if you need it.”

She leaves standing straight, far less weight on her shoulders than before. Joann waves to her from her station. The others, too, regard her just the same as they always have, with no pity or resentment at all. 

Keyla takes her post and waits for her orders.


End file.
